Most people enter into marriage with great expectations, some deem it as an opportunity for ;
- A cure for loneliness
- An Escape from boredom and More room for extensive sexual relationship.
I want to begin by asking the question , why do people leave the relationship that was initially so endeared to their heart? The first quarter of 2015 record of divorce alone was about 3600 cases. (Registrar generals department).
Is there something we can do to minimize this rampant situation ?
Sure, It is good to have expectations especially when it’s a good one (after all Hope is said to be the only deity of man). author unknown .
Whatever the expectations,couples must make conscious
effort to bring about those expectations.
WHAT ARE EXPECTATIONS?
Expectations are strong beliefs about the proper way
someone should behave,or something should happen.
Each one of us has values and standards that we’ve clinch to, and they differ from person to person because of our different backgrounds such as cultural, education, religion etc.
Now our belief system are formed by:
- Family members
Church and many other sources as to what marriage should be.
We are all expose to different experiences of life as we grow. Some of these experiences leave us with feelings of loss, hurt, guilt, shame , disappointment ,rejection,loneliness grief or even fear to mention just a few .These feelings become the cause of certain behaviour and images we express that are not true to who we are and demand from us a protective mechanism which we demonstrate through outburst of anger, verbal abuse, manipulation, control or withdrawal causing internal and external conflict.
Example: My personal experience
If the foundation is wrong,our expectations would be wrong as well.Psalm 11:3.
Different ways of life as a result of values and standards based on belief system.
Hence the need for readjustment or refinement.
As Christians what is the standard of expectation in marriage and family? Hebrew11:1.
Our expectations are focused on God.
He is our standard for life.(without God,expectations end in dissapointment and frustrations).
Not culture and traditions.(example “the Akan culture will teach you that Barima Nsu”). And every young male child grow with that mentality.
Whereas Biblically- Jesus wept. Can we reconcile this.
Now, God uses each other to express those standards and bring about our expectations.
As a Head-You Drive both family & home(set standards,values. etc).
-Action } Song of Solomon 4:7-11.
As WIVES we play three major roles:
1) We play a Motherly role in our homes. — Gen 24:67 states that Rebekah was placed in the tent of Sarah, this suggests a place as the mother of the chosen family.
2) we act as Manageress ; naturally women have the capacity to put things right at home ,they do this without struggle.
3) We serve as Mistress.– be a romantic lady,your dressing, appearance and smell should be attractive enough to draw your partner closer to you. Song 4:10
ARE THERE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS?
Sometime our expectations are way beyond reality, we give promises we cannot fulfil looking at the present conditions. Example
1) Air ticket for Holidays, whereas V.I.P bus ticket is even a challenge
2) Serving of tea in Bed etc
3) Several sex situation.(Different sex drives)-(Libido). Partners must take the responsibility to know the state of their partners so that necessary adjustments can be made.
WHAT CAN WE DO TO READJUST?
4 things must be noted,
1) Minimize your sense of entitlement.
2) Communicate and dialogue.
3) Do not give anger promise .
4) Do not over promise.
1 Corinthians 13:7. Love bear all things, believes all things, hope all things and endures all things.
When we learn to stay in love, our hopes and expectations will never be cut off with Jesus on our side.
By Pastor Kelly E. Annan.
Pastor Kelly E. Annan is the head pastor of Kasoa Baptist Church, under the Ghana Baptist Convention. He is the author of this articles. He writes alot and yet to release his first Book. He is also a motivational person who can motivate you with his teachings